he looks like a really good dad on facebook
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
Randomize
