if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
Randomize
