i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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