So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
I have fence marks all over my body
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
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