why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
Randomize
