i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
Randomize
