be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
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