Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
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