They have a pepper shaker for pot.
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
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