I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
Randomize
