Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
Randomize
