Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
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