If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
I have so many feelings about this burrito
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
Randomize
