I accidentally had phone sex last night
At what point did we cease to have vaginas?
Sometime in the sweat pants phase freshman year.
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
you made out with another girl for some wings
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
Randomize
