He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
Randomize
