***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
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