your thong is hanging out like whoa
PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
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