FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
Randomize
