woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
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