i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
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