i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
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