genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
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