I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
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