You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
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