I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
Randomize
