Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
there is another microwave in the elevator.
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
Randomize
