based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
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