Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
We had to coat check the pizza.
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
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