I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
Randomize
