woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
Randomize
