I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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