Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
Randomize
