I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
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