The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
Randomize
