I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
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