Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
there was a trapeze. enough said
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
Randomize
