do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
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