capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
Randomize
