forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
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