I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
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