..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
Randomize
