Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
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