we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
One more sleep until playoffs, Canucks are back this year, you bet your ass I'm going to uphold the tradition of being the 90 lb girl that fights every hairy ass Bruins fan at BWW.
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
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