I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
Randomize
