I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
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