i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
Randomize
