yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
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