Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
Randomize
