I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
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