Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
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