I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
Randomize
