I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
I will pee on everything he values.
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
Randomize
