Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
Randomize
