Cold hands, warm shart.
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
I need a burrito and a hug.
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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