i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
Randomize
