I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
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