remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
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