Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
Randomize
