what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
Randomize
