Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
Randomize
