one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
Randomize
