I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
Randomize
