No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
Hello my rib-scented angel!
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
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