when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
Randomize
