I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
We named our party play list daddy issues
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
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