Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
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