i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
Randomize
